What am I doing here? I'm supposed to write for my next paper that is due next week but I'm not sure how to start, or where to start even.

Coming back to Blogger, thinking I could pour out some of my thoughts but coming in here feels... weird. I used to have so much to write about (but then again, those things were "I did this, this, and this today! :D"), but looks like I have nothing much to write about here.

America is great. I really love it here, although sometimes it kills thinking about family and loved ones back home. I'm not sure if I'd want to go home. I mean given a choice, would I want to stay here, look for a job, do some research, or go home, be with my family, boyfriend, and friends, get a job, prolly take some BCM classes, get married, have kids... woah, that's way too far.

There's a research opportunity coming up this Summer in Yale University. I'm planning to apply for it (and I should really get on it ASAP), although my chance of getting in is probably 1%? But whatever it is, I'm just going to trust God all the way.

God is so good and faithful. Sometimes I feel so ashamed for disappointing God over and over again. I wish I could be more disciplined in reading His word, being deeply rooted in Him, and just thinking about how great God is that negative thoughts in my head do not exist.

Speaking of that, I feel sorry for Alex too (for many reasons). One of which I leash out my anger on him-just because, just because I thought about something really negative that's not what he thinks or what he did. Most of the time its what he thinks. You know you can't read people's mind right, Rayna? I should make it a point to stop doing that and this goes back to "thinking about how great God is".

Hey... Looks like I wrote pretty much today *patsselfonback*
Feeling better?
A little :)

Time for dinner and homework.

By the way, what's with the whole chocolate milk thing?
What were you thinking, girl?!

Motivated.

What am I doing here?! I am supposed to study for my Psych paper next week before I go into the usual busy (and fun) weekends! Easter week! :DD I haven't touch blogger for a while now but something motivated me and I have to blog now before the motivation's gone. But before that, I NEED TO RANT. This week has been CRAZY. In fact every week after my midterms, it got crazier and intense. I'd even wake up before my alarm rings. I hate that anxious feeling when I wake up. My head screams, "There are so many things to do! So little time!" This week itself, I had..

• 2 assignments to hand in.
• 2 quizzes.
• 2 presentations.

Now, you might think, "you should've started earlier." Yeah, I'm gonna defend myself with, my lecturers should give the assignments/task earlier :p haha! I kid. Seriously though, ADP is definitely not All-Day-Play.

ps. In need of a break. I am going NUTS.

BUT. Hello :) I am feeling much better now. In fact, I feel darn motivated to study (for test, quiz, test again, finals!) and to finish up 3 major assignments and many minor ones in a month. Well, because if I compare myself to other people, I think mine are just peanuts. No need to worry about financial and family, yet. What inspired me to go on was this and this.

I recalled the times I spent with the orphanage exactly 5 months ago. It was amazing how motivated I am to visit Rumah Juara @ PJ and Sinthamani Divine Life Ashram @ Kepong for 5 weeks straight (although the main motive to visit was to get good grades for both Sociology and Moral studies). I felt the joy helping these unfortunate kids. This heart beat after getting inspired by Teach for Malaysia, made me realize how much I want to help them.

I remember teaching 6 kids (ranging from 12 to 15 year old kids) on my final week of community service. I taught them English and Mathematics and I love how determined 3 of them were :') This 15 year old boy I forgot his name :(, AMAZED me. He was good in both English and Math thus, I wasn't really worried about him. I taught the other two kids form 1 algebra to prepare them for high school this year :) Really, I never thought that they'd have the heart to learn. "Teacher, Correct?" questions after questions. Sometimes they'd get frustrated with themselves for not being able to understand, but they never gave up. Neither did I. I taught them patiently until the time was up. *Bangga* :D I even left them little notes to motivate and encourage them 0:)

Apart from that, I am thankful that I'm able to check on the kids from Rumah Juara. I see them almost every week in church! :D I love having little chats and I love praying for them after service. Teehee. You know, before visiting Rumah Juara, never did it come across my mind that these kids/youth I see in church were from an orphanage home. Trust me, you can NEVER tell because of the clothes they wear and the smile they put on their face. As cliché as it sounds, really, do not judge a book by its cover. You'll never know what people had to go through/are going through in life.

Kids admiring Jinsol's iPhone.

w/ the Koreans! Heebeom, Jim and Jinsol.

:)

Living in an unhealthy environment :(

With cows, chickens, and ducks too!

Why do they look so stoned here?!

Ahh, much better :) ♥

All pictures taken @ Sinthamani Divine Life Ashram orphanage home.

Now, will this heart beat for kids last? We'll see. xx

Prolly 13 more months here in Malaysia.

So many things to do;

So many things to sort out;

So many things to look forward to;

So many things to leave behind.

Your WORDS.

You know how people always say, watch what you say as the tongue is sharper than any sword? People don't say it just because it sounds nice or because it sounds smart, but because it is true. Fact is, what you say sometimes, HURTS LIKE MAD. And sometimes, without you realizing it killed someone inside. Even the bible says, "Reckless words pierce like a sword" -Proverbs 12:18

Emmanuel shared a powerful message last two weeks ago and it is still stuck in my head. I know pastors preached about it before but what Emmanuel shared was so real. He said, God gave us Christian(s) authority. Whatever we speak from our mouth has authority. If you curse someone, that curse will come upon that person. And also, be careful with jokes. Yeah, you might think, no biggie, its just a joke but lets not forget that God gave us authority... Just so you know, the definition of "curse" here is synonymous with "swearing."

Well, I'm sharing this because I realized how many people got hurt-just by words. And how many people don't realize that their words killed others. So instead of cursing or saying negative things, why don't we bless someone with the tongue God gave us? :) And isn't it stupid if we praise and worship God AND curse people at the same time? For the bible says, "With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so." -James 3:1-10

Craziest shopping spree.. yet!

It was Adam's last day at Padini Concept Store & he (and dot!) was really kind to invite the cell to shop and to get extra discounts before he moves to Esprit ;) :D Matthaeus and Sonia tagged along too :) It was really fun! I've never shop in only ONE store for 4 hours in my life! :O Plus, we spent 1.2k+ altogether. A lil' too insane!

Had a lil' fun photoshoot after that :p

'ze gentlemen :)

HAPPY SHOPPERS! :D

ps. picture credits to Adam Tan :)) and thank you for everything!

After shopping, we went to Mel's to meet her new dog, Zoe!

Mel & Zoe Khoo!
Picture credit: Adam Tan :)

Then we had dinner at Max's restaurant, Lohas @ KK. The food was REALLY REALLY good! :D The other cellies came to join us for Transformers after that at Mel's again :) Good good day!

Broga Hill!

The west side!

Climbing Broga Hill was tough! It was the craziest physical thing I've ever done :p It was super steep and quite slippery! Plus, DARK. We (The cell, a few young adults+PDT) started walking up at 5:30am and we reached by 6:15am. I reckon our speed was fast because some of my friends told me they took one hour and a half to reach.

2/3 of them continued climbing to the top after resting, while I took pictures of the sky and city lights. Adam and I wanted to continue climbing up but we were afraid that we will miss the sunrise so we just kept waiting and waiting. But the saddest part was, it was TOO cloudy >:( So to entertain ourselves, we had a mini photo shoot up there.

Adam Tan :)

Dorothy & Serene!
Credits to Adam Tan :)

The one who got stuck at the first peak :p
Credits to Adam Tan :)

We played with HDR! :D
Credits to Adam Tan :)

We went down after two hours. Going down was fun 'cause I kinda run and hop down :p

Going down the hill.
Credits to Adam Tan :)

Jason, Serene, Dot and I.
Credits to Adam Tan :)

We had BKT for breakfast at Jln Ipoh, KL! Thank you Jon & Hwee Yen Koo! :)

I still feel so unsatisfied! Definitely need to go back again! :D xx

So much of democracy.

I'd never fail to flip the page when I see anything regarding politics in the newspapers. I just hate it because politics is so complicated! There's so many names, so many faces, so many political party! What more, the never-ending corruption?

But (there's always a 'but' eh?), Ms. Mary, my English 101 lecturer, made us do all these crazy assignments on politics, United Nations, and anything that make (help) us be aware of the world around us. I never really question her or myself, why politics? because I just assume that she adores it as she seemed so gung-ho about the world or Malaysia, that is. But as I'm writing this, I guess she's trying to make a point. A point that is, it's not only and always about us. I realized a lot of time people (including myself) are so selfish and their only concern is about: me, myself and I. Well, its time to change that. God taught me something last two weeks ago and it hit me. Being selfish (although not intentionally) affect others and it creates misunderstandings.

Well, anyway, back to the topic. I've been reading a lot lately and I realized how much I've missed out in life or in this fast paced world. Yeah, I may know a lot of things but I don't know enough. But then again, I wouldn't know everything in this world and the statement "I don't know enough" won't stop until I die.

Malaysia accepted the Westminster system since Bapa Kemerdekaan (Father of Independence, Tunku Abdul Rahman) shouted "MERDEKA!" 7 times on the 31st of August 1957. Malaysia inherited a new independent Government based on parliamentary democracy similar to that of Britain's (Abdullah Sanusi B. Ahmad).

Democracy: government by the people; a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system (Dictionary.reference).

After the whole Bersih 2.0 rally, I saw that Malaysia is NOT really a democratic country. And the United Nations should just remove Malaysia as a member of Human Right Council. Why still pretend that the government actually still cares about Human Rights? It's stated in the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights:

Article 5.
No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.
But yet the police force used excessive and unnecessary force on the people. Firing tear gas and water cannon for absolutely no reason at all. Effects? Thousands got injured, and one man died. Oh, not to forget firing tear gas into/towards/near (not exactly sure which one) Tung Shin Hospital, to err.. quote Datuk Seri Dr Chua Soi Lek, "protect its patients from Bersih 2.0 protesters who had sought refuge there." Well, you know what? It doesn't make sense at all. How is firing chemicals protecting the patients? This is pretty hilarious.

Article 20.
(1) Everyone has the right to freedom of peaceful assembly and association.
Well, apparently not in Malaysia because Bersih 2.0 is illegal. The Rakyat were peaceful, not the government though.

Article 21.
(1) Everyone has the right to take part in the government of his country, directly or through freely chosen representatives.
(2) Everyone has the right of equal access to public service in his country.
(3) The will of the people shall be the basis of the authority of government; this will shall be expressed in periodic and genuine elections which shall be by universal and equal suffrage and shall be held by secret vote or by equivalent free voting procedures.
Again, not so much in Malaysia. Dirty politics, corrupted elections, and all the rasuah (bribery). There's no transparency at all! Pretty much BS on Malaysia being a part of UNDR.

I'm definitely not saying that Malaysia should withdraw from UNDR (although I sound like it). But what I'm trying to say is that the government should do what they had signed and in a way, keep their promises (I'm not sure if promise is the right word. It's 3am in the morning).

I learnt in IPC (Interpersonal Communications) that Malaysia is a low-power-distance culture (power that is evenly distributed throughout the citizenry), which simply means, Malaysia IS a democratic country. It is a government of the people, by the people, for the people.

We the boss ;)

Malaysia, be a man, do the right thing (Russell Peters).

:)